Momma guilt

This morning Tc had a huge meltdown.

Over poop.

He had an upset tummy and ended up getting poop on his hand when wiping. Which led to a huge cryfest. I told him "Hey it's okay, we all get poop on us sometimes!"

I helped wash him up and told him to wash his hands really well.

I went back in the bathroom to see he had thrown a new, unused roll of toilet paper in the toilet.

And I lost it! I went into a tirade about how we "don't waste" and that was not necessary to throw a whole unused roll of toilet paper into the toilet.

He cried and felt so bad. Then I felt so bad.

He said, "I am going to run away and get a new family and a new life."

Oh the drama.

So I held him and told him I was sorry for getting upset and if he ever runs away I will cry and cry. And afterwards he said, "Okay mom, you forgive me and we are friends?"

My answer, "Of course. We are best buddies!"

Bad behavior and hurtful things said

This week has been sort of tough. TC's behavior has been very NOT GOOD! And stressful! He is very high strung and antsy and upsets easily.

He just got upset and told me "Go live in your other house with your real family."
WTH? I told him, "You are my family and so is Dad and Sara so I'm not going anywhere. And you need to be nicer to me, I am your Mom and I love you more than anybody in this world."

Of course after he said that to me, he said some other ugly things, and I told him he is NOT going to treat me like that. Afterwards, when he calmed down, he was remorseful and apologized. I think sometimes in the heat of the moment, he verbally attacks me. I am trying to teach him that it is NOT okay.

Sigh. I am ready for the weekend.

Thank you

Thanks for all the nice comments on my previous post. I really should have thought about TC having the pencil before I began cutting his toenails. I really can't get upset at him, I should have really considered his surroundings, the fact that he was having an asthma attack, was tired and my cutting his toenails was another stressful factor.

TC does so well most days. His aggression is rare. I mean, it hardly ever happens. There are still some behavioral issues, his language is a work in progress, he still curses but I do let him know it is not acceptable. But he surprises me everyday with his ability to overcome stressful situations. I know life is not easy for him and school is tough as well. I have to give him props for holding it together as well as he does. Given his health issues on a daily basis, he does wonderful.

Let me just say even when I forget about the autism, things like this happen and I remember. I will be more aware in the future!!

I cannot believe this happened

TC's behavior has NOT BEEN GOOD lately. He has been saying bad words, being mean and rude, and threatening to call the police on us when we get onto him. Thanks to the 9-1-1 talk they had at school!

I threatened him all day yesterday because of his bad behavior. I took Sara shopping she had some respite $ to spend and TC had already picked out an army guy at the grocery store yesterday morning, the army guy was around $2.50 so I agreed to purchase the toy. I told TC, "This is all you get today." And he agreed.

When I took Sara to the store to shop, TC was mad and wanted to get another toy and I told him no. And he wasn't happy but I told him he would live.

Fast forward to last night. After TC's shower I was in his room with him. He was ready to draw some pictures and I looked at his toes and his toenails were soooooooo long so I decided to trim them. I didn't think anything about it, he HATES to get them trimmed but I needed to get it done. He was also having an asthma attack so I was giving him a breathing treatment too while trimming his toes. And the next thing I know, I heard him say, "I am gonna stab you." And he took the pencil and stabbed me in the back. I screamed, it HURT! And I immediately grabbed the pencil and reprimanded him. I asked Hubs to look at my back to make sure I wasn't bleeding (I wasn't) but I was livid. And Hubs was too!! He popped TC's butt and told him that is NOT acceptable.

Let me just say we rarely spank TC. I think there are other methods of discipline that can be used other than Whooping butt...however in this case I feel it was appropriate.

But the whole incident scares me and I try not to go "to the future" in my mind. I just worry sometimes and don't want TC's anger to get the best of him and I don't want him to hurt anybody in anger or frustration. We do not medicate him but I realize we may have to look at that in the future if he cannot control his impulses.

Sigh.

I am feeling a little blue over the whole situation today.

School woes

I posted in my Living in Tx blog yesterday about some issues TC is having this year at school. Well,the first day of school went great!! He got a happy gram and was all smiles.

Day 2 was some fussing and after I picked him up he told me he had to go to the thinking chair for his behavior.
Some of it was my fault.
I tried to pack him something different in his lunch and he had a huge meltdown at lunchtime.
This behavior continued throughout the day which resulted in him getting into trouble.

Day 3 started off with a nosebleed on the way to school and there was a lot of whining and after school,so I took him to the calendar and had him mark off the days he had attended school this week. I circled Thurs. and Fri. and told him that he only has 2 days left for this week.

Yesterday morning, Thursday, he was so upset and did not want to go to school, and we had a long conversation about how he has to go to school and I told him it is up to him to make it a good day. He can be gripey and mad, or he can go to school, do a good job, and have a good day!
On the way to school he told me that he has to work so hard. And basically TC is lazy when it comes to school work so of course he does not want to do the work. And I know he struggles so I tried to give him a pep talk.He learned how to spell red yesterday and he came home and sang us a song. And everything was good.

Sigh.

This morning he was fine, he got dressed and there was no whining.
The good thing is it is Friday.
The bad thing is we have to do this all over again on Monday.

Getting real

Okay I want to get real today on this blog.
Let me just say that being home with my kids everyday is a major adjustment for me!
I love my kids.
I really do.

Sara is a 14 year old girl.
Anybody who was a teen knows what I deal with, the eye rolling, smart mouth stuff. But for the most part, Sara is good.

However, there are days when I want to escape from TC's rants and constant talk of Terminator, Transformers, Iron Man, etc...
It never stops.
NEVER!

It is never quiet in my house. Unless the kids are asleep. As soon as I wake up, TC wakes up. Most days I am lucky to get 30 minutes alone in the mornings.

Today is an example of what I deal with.
TC picked out an Iron Man guy at Wal M#art.
One of the arms didn't move right and TC had a huge fit.
He took the Iron Man guy and threw him in the trash saying, "Damn piece of crap." All the while, he is crying saying he needs a newer, better Iron Man.
He went on and on and eventually was able to calm down.

Today I took the kids to eat Chinese food.
TC took a bite of a potato wedge and started to gag.
Ugh.
Food issues.
I thought he was going to vomit.
Luckily he didn't, but he has MANY times. In public.

I am tempted to throw all of his toys out some days.
I yell and tell him to just "Please stop with the bad words and the fits over stupid toys!"
I wish I could watch TV without having to turn it up so loud because of TC's never ending chatter.
I feel bad sometimes for wanting to have some time alone.
I try not to let TC hurt my feelings but some days he does.
He will tell me he hates me.
I realize he does not know what he is saying and he is always very sorry after he upsets me.

Even though it has gotten a little better, it has not gotten easy.
I still have days when I think I cannot do this.
But I know I have no choice.

I am his Mom.

Driving me bonkers

TC was supposed to go to ESY yesterday but he didn't go because he woke up and was all broken out. It was bad!

Come to find out, Sara had some body wash in the shower and TC used it because Sara told him to. He has severe eczema and cannot use a lot of things that have a strong scent or lots of perfumes. Poor guy.

He went this morning though. I sure needed some time alone in a quiet house. Sara did help me yesterday by taking him in her room and starting a movie. TC's behavior has not been very good this week and mama was losin' it. My mind, that is.

Yesterday I finished my math final exam and I plan on rechecking it before I actually submit it. Psychology is all that I have left. I can't believe I am almost done with school. Hubs and I are going out this weekend to celebrate. Probably a nice lunch at Red Lobster and a WAl Mart trip without the kids. Hallelujah!!

I will start my job hunt in August. I am a little nervous and scared.

New week, sick kid, and no insurance

TC's behavior was much better today. Thank the Lord!!! We didn't do much other than watch movies, do laundry, and hang out at the house. He and Sara spent the whole day together.

Sara has been not feeling too well but I am trying to give her otc meds til' I get insurance. I applied for Chips but haven't received approval yet. A dr. visit could cost up to $100 and meds could be $50 or more. Hurry up insurance!!!!

I have to go to the Tx Workforce tomorrow to some type of job search training. Sounds fun, huh?
Not!!!
I hope it goes quickly!

I am in week 7 of these classes. My classes last 9 weeks total. After I complete these two, I only have 2 more to go! Woot!!!

It's Saturday, cheer up!

OMG, TC was in a foul mood today.He got a swat as soon as he woke up for saying bad words!

We went to Home Depot to purchase a new mower. We got him a kids' meal at McD's and he was okay but he griped the whole entire time we were at Home Depot! UGH.

By the time we got home, I was OVER his behavior. I gave him a Melatonin and made him lay down. When he woke up about an hour later, he was okay, still not in a great mood, but I had went to get pizza so he ate some. He is watching Spiderman now and seems to be happier. Thank God.

Update on cussing

I picked TC up from the bus this afternoon. I asked him was he good today and he said, "No, I was in trouble for saying a bad word." I told him I knew and his teacher told me all about it.
I made him write a note to his teacher when he got home..I made him copy what I had written since he can't spell.
Basically it said he was sorry and signed Love, Tony.

He knows we are upset with his behavior and he is very very sorry.
I told him I am not putting up with his saying bad words.

He really wants a Spider man guy and I told him he will not get it unless he starts behaving at school.

Another visit to the office for TC

Ugh. TC's teacher just e mailed me saying that TC was sent to the office again for saying a bad word.
I have reprimanded him all weekend as well. I think when he comes home we are going to have a long long talk about appropriate language. I hope it sinks in.

I have been busy today. I bought groceries after dropping the kids off for school.
Today I have painted a lot. I painted TC's room, all the window trim in the dining room and living room, and the kid's bathroom. I have done laundry and I need to re-load the dishwasher. Then off to get TC from the bus.

Pray for me!

Today was not a good day

TC has been out of sorts all week. I got an e mail from his teacher today saying he called her a bit*h. I had already had a very rough morning, so this was just icing on the cake.

I picked him up from school and took him to McDonald's where we had a talk about not saying bad words. He actually has been very good this evening.

Today has not been a good day at all. I have cried for hours...lots of things going on and most of them not very good.

Work woes

I am so over my job. You know I have mentioned we are closing as of March 31st. We are no longer processing anymore film.
The days are sloooooooooooooow.
The work is almost nil.
I spend most of my time reading blogs, which is not all bad.
But it makes the day go by slow.

I still wake up early and get the kids to school.
I try to have things laid out the night before so things move smoothly.
I have done good about not losing it with TC but last week I did.
He was whining and whining and whining and not getting dressed.
And I had a sick sinus headache.
Finally I yelled and he cried.
And I apologized.
But we HAVE to be out the door by 7 or he will miss the daycare bus.

I can't wait for these days to be over for awhile.
I can take him to school once my job goes away and if we are running a little late, no biggie!
But it is getting harder and harder to come to work at a job that will be gone in weeks. And the fact that there is nothing to work on makes it even harder!

One day at a time

While we enjoy extra time off from school, or the kids do....it is tough when TC goes back. Take today for instance. He came home and had 3 meltdowns within one hour. It was awful.

Finally after he ate dinner he seemed to calm down. Hopefully it will get better but when he is tired, he is not in the best of moods.

It can be hard! I know it is difficult and he can't control his anger sometimes but I am now able to send him to his room for a "calm down" period.
It seems to be working and he is able to self calm without tearing up his room.

Baby steps, right??

So proud

The kids were out of school yesterday for MLK day.
I had to take TC to the dermatologist. He did really good.

I see TC maturing a lot just in the last few months. He is way more verbal.
He is wanting to learn things. He asks questions about conversations that usually he would not even pay attention to.

I just want to cry typing this because whew! it has been a long road so far. And I know it will continue to be but it is nice to see progress.

My Mom even mentioned how he has changed since she was down in November. I will post more about our visit on my Tx. blog but I just have a huge smile on my face because of how well TC is doing.

Excitement and Meltdowns

My husband let the kids open a gift yesterday.
By the time Christmas is here, they won't have any left!!

TC opened his lightsabers and he has played with them non stop.
Sara opened a DS game she wanted.
Our weather has been crazy,as usual!
We have all had sinus problems and TC had two nosebleeds yesterday.
My sister came over and we opened gifts with her.
So by about 8:00 last night, TC was DONE and was having meltdown after meltdown.
I was trying to work on an assignment and finally I put him in the shower and not long after that,he fell asleep on the couch.

Today we are going to see Princess and the Frog.
I still haven't finished my assignment but I am happy this is my last one until after Christmas! I get a break for 2 weeks, I am so ready.

Goings on

Yeah, this morning was fun.
TC kept grabbing my face and I have an ulcer in my mouth and it hurt like a mother.
Finally I popped him and told him to stop it.
He started crying and crying.
I grabbed him and gave him a really tight hug and he was better. He did not go to school yesterday because he was up Sunday night not feeling well. Hubs stayed home with him. I, of course, got less than 4 hours sleep and I was so exhausted yesterday.

A lot of things are going on in my marriage right now. Marriage is never easy.
Prayers are appreciated! I'm not going into detail on this blog but if you read my keepin' it real, you know what it is.

I felt myself starting to get depressed yesterday. I came home and took a hot bath and ate dinner, then I took my laptop to bed. I lurve my laptop!
The kids always gravitate to whatever room I am in, but it was all good.
I love my babies and some days I can't imagine how I would make it without them.
They are my reason for keeping on.

I am hoping for a better day.
Today I am wearing a shirt that says, "Sarcasm is just another free service that I offer."
It fits me so well!

TC

This crazy weather in TX has Tc's allergies and eczema AND asthma in an uproar. His body is revolting!!

Between the breathing treatments, creams for eczema, nosebleeds and basically not feeling well...I think I could lose my mind.

TC hates to brush his teeth. I told him this morning that he needed to come into the bathroom so I could brush his teeth.

He was not happy about this and he punched me HARD in my chest. I grabbed his arm and told him no way, no how was he going to be physically abusive towards me! So, he turned around and punched Sara!

Oh no he di-n't.

I fussed him out.
Then he started crying.
And having an asthma attack.
And punching himself in the throat.
(When he can't breathe, he punches his throat or chest).

Then I had to give him a breathing treatment and try to calm him down and get out the door before we missed the bus.

The thing is, TC is VERY verbal. He has come so far. But I am hoping this weather brightens up or I may very well lose my mind.