A loss

My heart just breaks for this family.
I see the look on Jon's face he is amazed and so in love with this young man.
When I see photos of Jon now, I can tell he is taking his son's death very hard.
Who wouldn't?
They are now saying he had autism.


I am not judging their decision to share this information. But if more people in the spotlight made autism known, perhaps there would not be so much ignorance in the world today.

Regardless, they lost a beautiful boy.
I could not imagine.

As hard as the hardest days with TC are, I can't imagine my life without him.
Thanks for all of the kind words that help get me through. They definitely help.

Especially the ones that say, this too, shall pass.
And TC will not be stuck at 7 years old forever.
He WILL make progress.
HE WILL surprise me and everybody else.

Photos

Miss Sara



Hubs and TC Chillaxin'




Me with more pink hair,done yesterday



TC "being Wolverine"

Update

Today has been a better day.
I shared a nice lunch with friends complete with brownie sundaes and lots of laughter.
Sometimes God knows just what we need!!

I found out that TC got a Happy Gram at school yesterday. When I asked him what he did (his teacher did not write in his communication folder)...all he told me was, "I was really good today."

Okay then!!
I know I haven't said much about Sara lately. She is doing great. She is such a good girl that I rarely have anything bad to say about her! I am so proud of the young lady she is becoming. I mean, I wish I could have been more like her growing up. But at least things I went through have helped me to teach her how to be a strong young lady.

Worry

Yesterday I was in a weird mood.

Sometimes I think too much.
I was thinking a lot about TC. What does his future hold? Will I eventually have to put him in a home somewhere?
Some days I think he will be fine, be able to live independently.
Yet other days I am not sure.
Because this last week has been tough.
We had another rough one last night with another bad nosebleed.
I worry about him making bad choices in the future. Getting involved in drugs or getting in a bad relationship.
I know I can't control the future but some days I worry.
A lot.

I know he is only 7. And he is doing great in school, his behavior has been phenomenal. He has received stickers all week long and yesterday he got a Happy Gram. He got commended for dancing so well in P.E.

Maybe my worrying is not rational. Yet I can't help it.

TC

This crazy weather in TX has Tc's allergies and eczema AND asthma in an uproar. His body is revolting!!

Between the breathing treatments, creams for eczema, nosebleeds and basically not feeling well...I think I could lose my mind.

TC hates to brush his teeth. I told him this morning that he needed to come into the bathroom so I could brush his teeth.

He was not happy about this and he punched me HARD in my chest. I grabbed his arm and told him no way, no how was he going to be physically abusive towards me! So, he turned around and punched Sara!

Oh no he di-n't.

I fussed him out.
Then he started crying.
And having an asthma attack.
And punching himself in the throat.
(When he can't breathe, he punches his throat or chest).

Then I had to give him a breathing treatment and try to calm him down and get out the door before we missed the bus.

The thing is, TC is VERY verbal. He has come so far. But I am hoping this weather brightens up or I may very well lose my mind.

Update on funeral

Read my Living in Tx Blog to see about the funeral fiasco. UGH.
It was a crazy day!

Try a little harder!

With Billy's passing, I have tried to do a lot of thinking. I have thought about my relationships. I have tried to change some of the ways I have done things.

I realize life is short and we have to take what we can get.
My family may not be there for me as much as I would like but I am willing to work hard to nurture our relationships.
I also understand that we can't change other people. They are who they are.

My husband sees things differently. He says he has to guard his heart. I think we all do, to an extent. But my husband feels alone a lot of the time. He doesn't really reach out to people. He doesn't really care about relationships with his family.

Until something like losing a family member happens. And I think he is hurt because some people have not reached out to him.

Even though I have done my best, and I am far from perfect, he has been lashing out at me. And it hurts because I am the ONE person who has been there for him for the last 15 years.

I told him last night that he needs to start trying to nurture some relationships.

It is time.