Saturday, January 30, 2010

Stronger than I thought

I posted on my Living in Tx blog today about old school songs.
Remeber the Judds? I just listened to "Give a Little Love" and now I am listening to Anne Murray's "You Needed Me." We sang that song during my kindergarten graduation. My Mom said she cried and cried when we sang that and how precious it was.

My childhood was good up until about the age of 12.
My stepdad was addicted to heroin and things really got horrible as I got older.
We moved a lot.
He lost his job.
He became abusive.
At that time, I really needed someone to lean on. I had siblings, but I really needed an adult who could help me understand that none of the terrible things that were happening were my fault.

I think at times music saved me.
It helped me to focus on happiness when things were so far from happy in my household.

My Mom eventually remarried and that man was an alcoholic. We ended up homeless at one time. It was the hardest time of my life, other than when I found out TC was autistic.

I try to let my kids know that no matter what I am going through, their world will be intact and nothing I am going through is their fault. I try to make it a point to laugh with them and hug and kiss them several times a day, not matter how busy I am, no matter how exhausted I am. I try not to let my problems and worries affect how they feel. I am not always successful at this, but I do try!

For a long time, I did not have a good self-esteem, I was very shy and wanted to people please. I was angry at my Mom for not being stronger. I swore to never be like her!

But now I have forgiven the people who caused me pain, those who I felt were weak. I learned to be stronger over the difficult circumstances I endured.

Whitney says it best when she sings the song, "I didn't know my own strength."


Ms. Diva said...

My kids dad had a secret drug problem that I did not find out about until after he had passed away. So, although I do not know exactly what you went through, I do know about lost jobs, moving, and being homeless. I am forever grateful that our lives are now completely different and stable!! I am so glad that yours is good now also!!

Stacie said...

I am now following your blog from Friday Follow. Hope you had a great weekend.

Lola said...

great post!

meemawfish said...

I think you are great after all you've over come and I think your kids are going to be very proud of the mother you are.