Wednesday, September 30, 2009

A loss

My heart just breaks for this family.
I see the look on Jon's face he is amazed and so in love with this young man.
When I see photos of Jon now, I can tell he is taking his son's death very hard.
Who wouldn't?
They are now saying he had autism.

I am not judging their decision to share this information. But if more people in the spotlight made autism known, perhaps there would not be so much ignorance in the world today.

Regardless, they lost a beautiful boy.
I could not imagine.

As hard as the hardest days with TC are, I can't imagine my life without him.
Thanks for all of the kind words that help get me through. They definitely help.

Especially the ones that say, this too, shall pass.
And TC will not be stuck at 7 years old forever.
He WILL make progress.
HE WILL surprise me and everybody else.

Sunday, September 27, 2009


Miss Sara

Hubs and TC Chillaxin'

Me with more pink hair,done yesterday

TC "being Wolverine"

Thursday, September 24, 2009


Today has been a better day.
I shared a nice lunch with friends complete with brownie sundaes and lots of laughter.
Sometimes God knows just what we need!!

I found out that TC got a Happy Gram at school yesterday. When I asked him what he did (his teacher did not write in his communication folder)...all he told me was, "I was really good today."

Okay then!!
I know I haven't said much about Sara lately. She is doing great. She is such a good girl that I rarely have anything bad to say about her! I am so proud of the young lady she is becoming. I mean, I wish I could have been more like her growing up. But at least things I went through have helped me to teach her how to be a strong young lady.


Yesterday I was in a weird mood.

Sometimes I think too much.
I was thinking a lot about TC. What does his future hold? Will I eventually have to put him in a home somewhere?
Some days I think he will be fine, be able to live independently.
Yet other days I am not sure.
Because this last week has been tough.
We had another rough one last night with another bad nosebleed.
I worry about him making bad choices in the future. Getting involved in drugs or getting in a bad relationship.
I know I can't control the future but some days I worry.
A lot.

I know he is only 7. And he is doing great in school, his behavior has been phenomenal. He has received stickers all week long and yesterday he got a Happy Gram. He got commended for dancing so well in P.E.

Maybe my worrying is not rational. Yet I can't help it.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009


This crazy weather in TX has Tc's allergies and eczema AND asthma in an uproar. His body is revolting!!

Between the breathing treatments, creams for eczema, nosebleeds and basically not feeling well...I think I could lose my mind.

TC hates to brush his teeth. I told him this morning that he needed to come into the bathroom so I could brush his teeth.

He was not happy about this and he punched me HARD in my chest. I grabbed his arm and told him no way, no how was he going to be physically abusive towards me! So, he turned around and punched Sara!

Oh no he di-n't.

I fussed him out.
Then he started crying.
And having an asthma attack.
And punching himself in the throat.
(When he can't breathe, he punches his throat or chest).

Then I had to give him a breathing treatment and try to calm him down and get out the door before we missed the bus.

The thing is, TC is VERY verbal. He has come so far. But I am hoping this weather brightens up or I may very well lose my mind.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Update on funeral

Read my Living in Tx Blog to see about the funeral fiasco. UGH.
It was a crazy day!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Try a little harder!

With Billy's passing, I have tried to do a lot of thinking. I have thought about my relationships. I have tried to change some of the ways I have done things.

I realize life is short and we have to take what we can get.
My family may not be there for me as much as I would like but I am willing to work hard to nurture our relationships.
I also understand that we can't change other people. They are who they are.

My husband sees things differently. He says he has to guard his heart. I think we all do, to an extent. But my husband feels alone a lot of the time. He doesn't really reach out to people. He doesn't really care about relationships with his family.

Until something like losing a family member happens. And I think he is hurt because some people have not reached out to him.

Even though I have done my best, and I am far from perfect, he has been lashing out at me. And it hurts because I am the ONE person who has been there for him for the last 15 years.

I told him last night that he needs to start trying to nurture some relationships.

It is time.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Eve and the garden of Eden

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. "So,
how is everything going?" inquired God.

"It is all so beautiful, God," she replied. "The sunrises and sunsets
are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but
I have just one problem.

It's these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other
two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them
on branches and snagging them on bushes. They're a real pain."

And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body
came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc She felt that
having only two breasts might leave her body more "symmetrically

"That's a fair point," replied God, "But it was my first shot at this,
you know.. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you
needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix
it up right away."

And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into
the bushes.

Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of

"Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation?"

"Just fantastic," she replied, "But for one oversight. You see, all
the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her
bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone. "

God thought for a moment and said, "You know, Eve, you are right. How
could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will
immediately create a man from a part of you. Let's see....where did I
put that useless boob?"

Now doesn't THAT make more sense than all that crap about the rib?

Sunday, September 13, 2009


Me, hubs and TC are sick.
I am sure we will be attending a funeral soon.
Uncle Billy has no brain function.
This has been a rough week.
We took the kids to a movie yesterday.
Today I spent most of the day resting, doing laundry, and some homework.
TC may miss school again tomorrow, he is sleeping now. My kid NEVER goes to sleep this early.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Update on Uncle

Hubby took off work today to go back to Dallas and see his uncle. Of course he has to play taxi cab for his relatives: cousin, aunt, and pick them up as well. I am driving his truck today and he took my Pacifica so he could fit everyone. (His truck needs brakes, they were screeching this morning! I need to tell him about that!)

His Uncle is not doing well,apparently the tree branch hit him hard and cracked his skull open. He is bleeding internally still and he is very swollen. They had to put a trach in because he wasn't breathing well (years of smoking has damaged his lungs). He is in really bad shape, he is very swollen and it has been so hard on my husband.

See, Tony's dad died a couple of years before we married. So his Uncle is the closest thing he has to his dad. They fish together, they even work at the same place. So they see each other almost every day.

It is really heartbreaking to see your husband (who never cries) just break down and cry. He knows his Uncle may not live and if he does, he will possibly be very brain damaged. I know God can work a miracle and I know if he needs Billy to stay here, he will keep him here. But it is still very hard.

I am so sad today.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Emotions, my day, bad news

OMG, lots of drama lately with my sister. I cried a lot this week and I e mailed her. She keeps saying "Time will hurt me so bad."
And my response was that I can't BEG her to come around and I feel if she had not read my personal blog, she would not have been hurt.
I am tired of apologizing.

N-E ways, I had a great day today. Visited and old friend and her family (Hi KRISTI) yes, she has the same name as me!! I could kick myself for not taking pictures, I had my camera too!

She reads this blog and I was so excited to see her after many years. She won't be able to get rid of me now!! Love you girl!

Came home to bad news, hubby's uncle was cutting tree branches and one hit him in the head, he had to be rushed to the hospital and had bleeding internally. (In his brain.) Had to have surgery, but is still bleeding in his brain.

Prayers are much appreciated.

Friday, September 4, 2009

That's my boy!

This was in my baby's folder after school yesterday.

Tony has been wonderful today!
This morning, during circle time, in Ms. P's class, the students were getting up one by one, going to the front, and stating their favorite tv show. When Tony was asked his, without being told to, he went up to the front and told everyone that his favorite show was karate! Very impressive!

Go TC!! You make a Mama proud!

Thursday, September 3, 2009

While I wait

When I posted the LETTERS this morning, I was still angry at my sister.

I went to work seething because I was up all night thinking of how she has treated me since she found my blog. I apologized more times than I can count and she told me if I didn't stop blogging, then that proved I wasn't really sorry.

I refuse to stop blogging. And I refuse to kiss her butt until the end of time.

I know I did say some things in my blog that hurt her. I don't deny that. It's just that she acts like I am the only one to blame in all of this. And I don't agree.

So today I came home and mowed and I listened to my music.

This is one I listened to.

I know God is faithful. I know he has a plan and until he fulfills it, I am waiting. I am praying for peace.


Dear Sis:
I know you are still mad at me because you read my blog and I said 3 things about you and you were pissed so now you are not speaking to me. tell my daughter in Facebook that I need to come to your son's games in order to keep you company.
When my daughter says that you need to call me you hurry up and get off chat and say, "Gotta go."
Why would I drive 40 miles one way to a game and sit by you when you won't even pick up the phone and call me? HUH?? HUH??

And how come when my daughter calls to talk to her cousin, you never let her??

Your imperfect sister who only ever wanted you to give a care.

Dear Hubs:
I told you when you bought tires bigger than what your truck had on it that you were making a mistake. Case in point, your flat tire this morning. The (too big) tire rubbed and rubbed to the point that it made a hole in your tire.

When are you ever going to realize I am always right?? Gaaahhhh.

Dear Coworker:
You chose to not participate in the dinners in the office. So stop coming by the table looking at the food and stop asking me what everybody brought! And when we are all enjoying our lunch, don't come in my office with a pissed off look on your face and when someone asks you to sit down (not me because you are acting 2 years old), you refuse to do so and walk away with your head down.

You are 62 years old...grow the hell up! JEEZ!

Dear Dirty Laundry that NEVER GOES AWAY,
You suck!

The maid, waitress and housekeeper (all me)