Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Depression, sadness

Yesterday I got upset with Sara. I slipped and said a bad word yesterday morning when I hit a pot hole in our road. She told Hubs about it, and in turn, he called me at work yesterday afternoon telling me that I am going to be the reason my kids grow up and say bad words.

Heck, TC already learned many at daycare! And Sara is in Jr. High so we all know what kind of language she hears.

I sort of felt like Hubs and Sara were ganging up on me. It made me very upset and sad. I told them how it made me feel too.

I went to bed last night and thought about it. I do need to clean up my language and I am going to make a conscious effort to do so. However, it is hard when someone you love always points out what you do wrong, I do not like being criticized when I work so hard to take care of my family.

I have been really sad lately. I think part of it is because I have to come to a job that is going away in a little over a month. After 15 1/2 years, that is NOT easy. And my coworkers talk about how sad they are all day long. I am trying not to be sad and I know God has a plan. But I do not want to hear how sad others are every single minute either. I want to cry in private. I want to pray and have hope. I know this job is not the be all, end all. There will be life after Fuji.

Another reason I have been sad is because my nephew (he is in prison, but we are very close) has been really sick. I was so worried when he said his bones hurt. I was sort of silently freaking out. I asked did he have the flu? It turns out he DID have the flu and is doing better. I miss him so much, we had custody of him for a short time when he was a teen. But he wanted to move off and be "grown". Well, it's a long story but he was raised by my older sister and not taught to be a good person, he was taught to steal at 5 years old. She put him out at 14 years of age. He has been in trouble on an off since then.
I just miss him a lot.
Luckily we can e mail and write and I let him call me once a month. He is like my son and my heart hurts when he is sick and I can't do anything.
I hope these next 2 years goes by quickly for him. He knows he has a home to come to.

So those are just some random things going on with me right now.
I am hoping today is a better day.

Did anybody catch American Idol?? I am happy with the picks so far. LOVED the little 16 year old boy; the one who was adopted by his aunt. He was a cutie pie!


Mrs. Lovely said...

I'm sorry to hear you felt ganged up on by your husband and Sara. That's not a good feeling and I hope they know how they made you feel too.

BEE said...

im sorry to hear about your nephew
i hope he gets better soon

im sorry you are losing your job too
seems like you have a lot on your plate right now
i hope it gets easier 4 u guys soon

Ms. Diva said...

I hate feeling like I am getting ganged up on!!! The kids know just how to play it too! I have to remember, I am an adult, his opinion that you are teaching bad words are just that - his opinion! Nothing more! I tell my kids all the time, there are many things that I get to do as an adult that you do not as a child. Swearing would be one of those things!! I know it's not a popular idea, but it's true. There some things kids cannot do simply because they are kids and I can, like drinking wiine at night, or leaving the house at midnight if I want to, or eating dessert first! And as an adult woman, you may make these decisions for yourself.

Adoption of Jane said...

I saw you on Cheaper Than Therapy's comments and thought I'd stop by your blog. I'm an Aut-Mom too! Yup ganging up on is no fun... glad to meetcha!

Amy said...

Sending my hugs.. It will all be okay. It is okay to let it out. I am proud of you for talking to your family.. Keep doing that. You rock.

Lola said...

this is a great post Kristi!

Heather McDougle said...

I'm sorry to hear about your nephew. That was would be hard! I'm also really sorry about your daughter and husband ganging up on you. That isn't too cool. We all slip up every once in awhile. I know I sure do. And I know when I do and don't need it pointed out.

I'm following you from Friday Follow!