With Billy's passing, I have tried to do a lot of thinking. I have thought about my relationships. I have tried to change some of the ways I have done things.
I realize life is short and we have to take what we can get.
My family may not be there for me as much as I would like but I am willing to work hard to nurture our relationships.
I also understand that we can't change other people. They are who they are.
My husband sees things differently. He says he has to guard his heart. I think we all do, to an extent. But my husband feels alone a lot of the time. He doesn't really reach out to people. He doesn't really care about relationships with his family.
Until something like losing a family member happens. And I think he is hurt because some people have not reached out to him.
Even though I have done my best, and I am far from perfect, he has been lashing out at me. And it hurts because I am the ONE person who has been there for him for the last 15 years.
I told him last night that he needs to start trying to nurture some relationships.
It is time.